ME
TOO
I
was hit on by someone in a position of authority over me, and inappropriately
touched by a colleague on several occasions.
I can say “Me too”.
But
that’s not enough.
In
both those cases, I was physically stronger than the other person, and had
options for getting out of the situation.
That position was ending soon, and I could often avoid the person who
touched me. I wasn’t catcalled, groped
on the bus or subway, called a slut or sexually assaulted. I know many women—among my church, family and
friends who have been. I have tried to
work against all kind of sexual harassment and violence, and I could say that I
stand with women who have been threatened or attacked. I could say “Me too”.
But
it wouldn’t be enough.
Because
men, including myself, need to say “Me too” about participating in a culture
and society where women are treated like objects. About
seeing women as something to “get”. I
would like to say that I never thought that way or spoke that way, but I would
be a liar. I could say that I was
younger, that I was raised in a town and time where using women was drilled into
males from a very young age, and that this socialization is ingrained in our
society so deeply.
I
could say a “Me too” to being socialized to use women, but that isn’t enough.
Look
at the language of “get” that men use: I
“got” a girlfriend. I “got” laid. Even I “got” married. This language of acquisition and possession
can morph quickly into actions that “take” instead of “get”. And taking another
person is violence on any level. I am
sorry that I have participated in that, but that’s not enough.
I
am trying to live my life in a way that does not objectify, harass or molest
women (or anyone else). I’m not perfect,
and I fail. That’s not an excuse, nor a
plea for pity or cheap forgiveness. What
I can do is join with other men in a different kind of “me too” campaign, where
we commit each other to recognize our participation in objectifying and
demeaning women, and we commit ourselves to working with other men to stop it.
That
could be a really good thing for us men to say, “us too”.
Be Justice. Be Beauty. Be "Us Too".
Patrick
